The presentation was fantastic and the illustrations were wonderful, enjoyed the metaphor of putting on a brave face. Although we need to watch out for how much we expect from the audience, something as simple as introducing our character as 'here's Bonezy - he puts on a brave face' was needed and we wouldn't have to mention it again. The illustration for our insight nailed it, but needed to be celebrated more as it's such a lovely moment - I feel so alone but am not alone in feeling this way, there's many of us. As the designer it is our role to curate the information so that the audience follows what it's all about.
This is what we need to watch out for. Getting the information on point and relevant to the objective.
Our character should meet up and get social support - good.
The street chat and talking to strangers - a bit loose.
The justification of why he should socialise - on point, good research.
The comfort zone - too broad and get's lost. For this we offered a variety of opportunities - language, body language, environment but just needed to be a bit more assertive in defining what. So saying something like 'here are the opportunities, we've had a think and we believe tackling the environment is the way to move forward.' Perhaps this happened because we started thinking about the solution too much and not the objective.
The narrative needed to be clearer, we talked about him being down and out and the city and then shoot over to the university which over complicates the narrative. This is just a matter of curating the information better and what is needed to be known. The extra information we provided needed better context, 'other things you may want to know' but keeping it as secondary information.
The use of the word stranger is quite heavy, it's an intense word. Describing the university as a hub of social interaction is a lot better and a really strong point - there's lots going on, our character just needs to get involved. This of course still means interacting with strangers as they are people you don't know, but it has a different feel to talking to strangers on the street. The university has some great resources and assets so are we talking about interactions within the university as a student or are we talking about it as strangers in the city streets. Just a case of exploring the 'how might we' questions. All the information is there, just needs to be simplified to what will contribute to solving the problem. The angle we are coming from is what will contribute and help them overcome the hurdle rather than attempting to solve the solution as a whole.
In a nut shell curate the information better, prioritise and consider what will be permeate to the objective . Any added information for texture should be secondary.
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